Wednesday, June 12, 2013

vegan blunders

Neighbors are a wonderful thing.  

The elderly couple next door has a yard with over 105 types of hand-manicured roses, our Spanish-speaking amigos love baseball and land a few homers in our backyard, and the vegan across the street...I have yet to figure out.  On a scale of vegan, I'm pretty sure she is right up there with the more extreme percent.  With a t-shirt that reads, "Wings are for flying; not frying", I think I can assume that the animal kingdom is on par with royalty.  I forget this quite frequently, which has led me to start a list of my poorly, delivered, pretty-hilarious, vegan blunders.   

Me: Neighbor, it's wonderful to see you.  Hey, a bunch of friends are coming over for Easter dinner.  We have a 20lb.....(my husband glares at me and I pause) we have 20lbs of food, yes, 20lbs.  We'd love to have you join us.

Me: Hello, Neighbor.  Thanks for the gluten free bread.  It was delicious.  I made you some homemade energy bars.  
Vegan: Are they vegan?
Me: Yes, and gluten free too.  I used oats, nuts, seeds, peanut butter, and honey.
Vegan: Oh, I'm sorry.  I can't have honey.
Me: Honey?  Really, I had no idea.
Vegan: Bees are mistreated and forced to produce inhumane amounts of honey.  I'll give it to the kids.  They will eat them.

Me: Howdy, Neighbor.  What are you doing for the 4th of July?
Vegan: We go to a plant and nature bizarre every year.
Me: Wow, that sounds like fun.  Have you ever been to the St. Paul Rodeo?
(long pause)
Vegan: I'd never go to a rodeo.  Spurs, animal mistreatment, I would never sit through that.
Me: (awkwardly) Um, we went last year and it was kinda fun.  

Vegan: Hey, Neighbor Kate.  I brought you some fresh picked raspberries from our yard to say thanks for taking care of everything.
Me: Oh, wow.  These will be great to sprinkle on top of a scoop of yogurt.
Vegan: Actually, they are wonderful frozen and placed in water.  I put fruit - even vegetables - in my water to give it a fresh taste.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

to catch a vagabond rodent part II

The verdict is out.  Tillamook wins.

And might I add, the Tillamook enticing mouse trap was the furthest trap from the inhabited wall.